Please Understand by Fai Dawson

Author:Fai Dawson
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: gay romance
Publisher: MLR Press LLC
Published: 2015-08-10T23:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 16

I didn’t open the shop that day. I used the time for cleaning my apartment, ridding myself of anything that reminded me of Tommie or Audrey. I scrubbed everything down; ran five loads through the washer; washed every dish, pan and glass; and disinfected the bathroom. Then I began cleaning the bookstore. Tommie had left his keys to the shop on the counter and a note that simply read, “I’m sorry.”

I fell asleep right away, but woke up shortly before midnight. I reached for Tommie. Overwhelming loss rushed over me twice: Tommie, Audrey. Why would he do this to me? Suddenly I couldn’t bear not knowing why. I was desperate to hear his voice explain his betrayal step by step. I simply had to know, and he owed that to me. Perhaps I owed him the opportunity to explain.

I got up and made some hot chocolate. I knew I’d never get back to sleep until I had talked with him, determined his motivation, and decided what to do based on this revelation. I took a shower and dressed. By 1:30 a.m. I was climbing the staircase under the one bare bulb to the second floor, apartment three on the left.

An excited tremor ran through my belly. I pictured patiently listening. Perhaps we would be lying in bed. Perhaps we would make up. Surely my reaction had merely been one of shock. Surely we could work through this. Surely he would be just as anxious to make up.

I knocked quietly on his door, so I wouldn’t wake the neighbors. I thought perhaps he wouldn’t be able to sleep either. He would probably be smoking at the window, looking out into the night. He had probably seen me approach the building.

The door wasn’t latched and slowly opened into the room. I switched on the light and stopped. Although the furniture was still there, all Tommie’s things were gone. The drawers, closet, and bathroom were empty. I lowered the Murphy bed, and it had been stripped. The dirty linens and towels were piled in the bathtub. The pockmarked walls were naked of posters. I found them torn to bits in the garbage can under the sink. The dishes were stacked clean in the cupboards. Just as he had cleared Audrey out when he moved in, now nothing remained of Tommie.

I had to amend that last thought. Audrey had never existed.

I went back through the small apartment, looking under the sofa, inside the cushions, looked for a message on the bathroom mirror. Nothing. I stood alone in this tiny empty room. I didn’t recognize my own voice.

“Nooooooo!”

My next course of action was undecided. I tried his phone, and when he didn’t answer I yelled, “Damn it, Tommie, call me back immediately!”

In my urgency I had forgotten the other tenants of the building. A door slammed down the corridor. I would be dealing with at least one of them soon enough.

As I was leaving a mountain of a man stood in Tommie’s doorway. Well over six foot, at least three hundred pounds of sheer bulk.

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